tormenter494

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on.

Save paper, don’t do home work.

If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends?

Video games ruined my life. At least i have 2 left.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF

Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

A thief stole a calendar. He got twelve months.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A will is a dead give-away.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

LOL