headacher

Ah, I see you’ve come to my profile. I know why you’re here. You were thinking “wow, that Headacher guy sure is studly. I mean, him walking around with all of those badges, damn that is one impressive collection! If only he could grace me with his presence to tell us the story of how he rose to the top of the internet food chain! If only he could enlighten my dark mind, and bring joy to my meaningless life!”

Well, I have good news: you’ve come to the right place, for such a tale to be told! Sit, for a moment, and I shall tell you the story. One of light and darkness. Of order and chaos. Of balance and imbalance. Of how my username was created!

It all started at the dawn of time. A meteorite, one that could wipe out all life on Pluto, headed straight towards Uranus, so the Atlantians built dinosaurs to repel the danger. The dinosaurs rebelled, and caused the war of 1812, the aftermath of which melted the icebergs, extincted the dinosaurs, and caused global warming. The Atlantians, weapons destroyed, sought out a relic that would save their waning civilization. They eventually devolved into cavemen, who then revolved into humans. And that is why I love America, God save the Queen!

Okay, okay, you got me. That wasn’t the real story. The actual one makes much less sense!

So there I was, sitting at home, wanting to play Fancy Pants Adventure World 2. I looked up this mythical website in order to play it, and BAM, what did I see but people discussing headaches? One guy made an account called “headache” to troll the people there. Not one to be outdone, I fabricated “headacher” to countertroll! Only then did I realize: this site had BADGES! What an amazing invention! My mind was blown. And thus my ascent to power began.

Finally, I like cheese. If you like cheese, leave a shout, because everyone else is doing it.

Double finally, I never changed my avatar because that bee is so amazing that no other image on earth could compare to its beauty. Look at it. Smiling. Happy. Reminiscent of a blooming flower on a warm summer’s day, littered with smiling children and pollinated tulips.

That’s it. Go away. Really. Got nothing else to say. Well I do, but I don’t want to bore you with all the exciting, amazing, mindblowing details. Maybe sometime I can tell you the story of how I single handily killed all the Nazis before I was born. And then, killed everyone else, and repopulated the earth using nobody but myself.
Man, crazy times I tell you. But you can all rest easy knowing you’re all my sons and daughters.

Man I need to stop smoking this stuff.