britishman77

I LIKE PIE!!!!
(sex on the T.V. won’t hurt you unless you fall off it)
(The bigger the warning sign the funner you’ll have)
(to be old and wise, first you must be young and stupid)
(santa=satan)
(when there’s a creepy pale kid looking at you across the room, you know you are at Denny’s)
(so many man so little places to hide the body’s) (when someone controls my computer their controling my life)(video games ruined my life. good thing i have two extra lifes)(you know when your fat when you give someone a huge and you never see them again)(You laugh because I’m different………..I laugh cause I just farted!)
(What you call dog with no legs? Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.)
(Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?)
(If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?)
(If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.)
(Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.)
(I could’ve eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!)
(How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?)
(I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. )
(“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.”)
(Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.)
(He who laughs last didn’t get it.)
(If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.)
(Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?)
(Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it. )
(Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key )
(My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. )
(Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!)
(“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”)