Rutherford0

“I’m going to create man and woman with original sin, because a magic rib-woman ate an apple because a talking snake convinced her to. Then, I’m going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child, so that I can be born. Once alive, I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself to save you from the sin I originally condemned you to…except you will still be born in sin for some reason. I will not give you any evidence of this, other than various conflicting tales written down decades after I existed, by uneducated desert people. And the tales they tell will bear striking resemblances to numerous myths from other, older cultures. But if you do not believe all of this without question, I will send to to roast in a lake of fire for all of eternity. (But I love you.) This is true, despite the fact that I know the future, which implies that you are powerless to act in any way other than what I set in motion 6,000 years ago. TA DAH!!!”

-Jesus Christ

all hale jaysus
prase da lawd
hallelooyah
damn str8
i’m a black preacher
gawd is with me

yeah go fuck yourself jesus